What Would You Do If You Didn't Need Certainty?

Why certainty is the enemy of creativity, why we give it more power than it deserves, and how it prevents us from finding purpose and making art in the present

This March read has been a soothing balm to the soul. Thank you, Lord, for giving us Ann Patchett.

I know we’re all reaching for deep breaths this week. The world, after all, feels like an increasingly uncertain place. And the urge to grasp for something sturdy is a trademark of being human, one tied to our very neurowiring and built-in radar for danger.

But what if certainty wasn’t the end goal? How would we act differently if we weren’t always chasing a guarantee?

Last month, I shared a book I was slowly making my way through: Meditation for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman. I love a book that insists you read only one chapter a day, thereby squashing the Type A instinct to devour it in one fell swoop, and ensuring you sit with the material long enough to absorb it.

One of the final meditations in the book centers on certainty. Flipping the concept on its head, Burkeman asks, "What could you unblock if you didn’t need certainty?”

Ouch. I felt the question ping-pong inside my brain, conjuring up a slew of difficult memories. The question struck a chord.

I thought of all the risks I hadn’t taken because I demanded certainty in the outcome:

• Moving

• Traveling

• Sharing my writing

• Sitting down to write

This is a non-exhaustive list, but it contains some of my most precious dreams. Did I really need to know it was all going to work out to pick up my pen each day? Did I really expect this life to come with some kind of money-back guarantee?

And, finally, what would I be doing differently if I had that guarantee? What if I knew, every time I chased something I loved, that it would all work out in the end?

This week, I’m posing these questions back to you. Not just because they make fantastic fodder for journaling (I see you Morning Page devotees!), but because, in order to chase dreams, every creative must address their relationship with uncertainty.

• Do you, like me, have a long-established habit of making uncertainty an enemy?

• Have you, inadvertently, bestowed it with great power, turning it into a kind of stop sign that prevents you from pursuing what you want?

Yes, the world feels unstable. Yes, the world is unstable. But the uncertainty of what comes next cannot (and should not) prevent us from taking action in the present.

When I signed my publishing contract for Love You Hard back in 2017, I remember thinking that its publication date of March 2019 was so far off that the world might be over by that point. Oh, what the hell, I thought to myself. At least I’d gotten a contract!

But March 2019 did, indeed, come. The fruits of my labor finally enjoyed their moment in the sun, and I was immensely grateful to all the pessimistic, discouraged past versions of myself who’d sat down at the desk and done the work anyway — without the guarantee of a desired outcome.

These days, I’m thinking of all the writers out there who log in to Substack just to be bombarded with intel proclaiming the demise of the publishing industry and the impossible chances of seeing their book in the world. With such a grim outlook on the industry, why bother sitting down and creating imaginary worlds?

Why bother with art?

I silently chuckle, imagining Da Vinci painting the Mona Lisa, whilst being gripped by paralyzing uncertainty. Oh, but what if no one likes my portrait of this close-lipped smiling lady? What if everyone dies of the plague before I finish painting it?

In fact, what we can learn from generations before us — those who overcame war, disease, genocide, etc. — is that the more uncertainty we’re faced with, the greater the urgency to create art.

There is no time like the present to capture the world we’re living in or to build imaginary worlds to help us escape it.

It’s true: no one is asking you to do this work. But please don’t let the uncertainty of the outcome — whether people like it, whether it will be published, whether it’s “worth” your time — stop you from creating it anyway.

And if the pursuit you’re chasing is a different kind of dream you’re hesitant about acting upon, I invite you, too, to consider the role of uncertainty and the unwarranted influence we grant it.

I invite you to ask:

1. What has this quest for certainty cost me?

2. What is it blocking me from doing?

3. What would I do differently if I were certain it would all work out?

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February was a slower reading month, but mostly because after finishing Wuthering Heights, it lived rent-free in my head for two weeks, and I could not attempt to transport myself to a world other than Cathy and Heathcliff’s. If that’s not a sign of a legendary read, then I don’t know what is (and if you missed my WH recap (spoiler, I loved it), you can find it here).

Last month was comprised of one excellent novel (WH), one very good one about the life-changing power of a name (The Names), one brilliant nonfiction read (Meditation for Mortals), and one memoir about a rich white-lady divorce that I frankly found overhyped but devoured via audiobook anyway (Strangers).

This month, I have my nose in 4 books simultaneously (!!), with another one I’ll be blurbing waiting in the wings. I’m dying to jump into the audio version of Michael Pollan’s latest, A World Appears, which is all about consciousness (also the theme of Dan Brown’s latest thriller, The Secret of Secrets, which I’m slowwwwwly making my way through).

So, as you can see, it’s just classic ADHD book enthusiasm over here, which leaves little time for television (though my husband and I are deeply into the latest season of Paradise; thank you to Hulu for not allowing us to binge it all at once).

Share your favorite February reads below!

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Hello, Women’s History Month!

This week, my colleague Chloe Kaplan and I sounded off not once but TWICE on the topic of working mothers and the challenge of balancing it all (Spoiler: it takes a village. Spoiler: it's always messy).

Thanks to Marissa Miller and the team at Fox5 DC for welcoming us on her brilliant new show.

As we kick off Women's History Month, I'm reminded how much we have to learn from the incredible women in our communities.