Love What You Do ❤️
A Valentine Ode to Working (Even When It's the Worst)
It’s Valentine’s Day, so love is on my mind. I’ve just finished wrangling my daughter’s unruly hair into something resembling heart-shaped braids. I even got up early to burn a chocolate chip heart-shaped pancake for my son. Clearly, I’m on a roll when it comes to expressions of love, so why stop there? Really, when it comes to work, why stop ever?
Even on my worst work days, the ones in which I’m overwhelmed, overtaxed, overstimulated, and apt to grant myself a chardonnay/reality television time-out, I am unwaveringly committed to one fact: I will work all the days of my life.
Why? Because at the heart of the matter, I love working.
And also, work is good for us.
When I left the classroom last spring, I joked about going into “early retirement,” but the truth is that retirement will never be for me (yes, please, to a pension though!). Nor do I think the act of stopping work entirely is a healthy choice for most bodies and brains.
There is a difference, of course, between killing ourselves at a job that compromises our souls or wreaks havoc on our personal lives, and one that is simply challenging. The wisdom is in figuring out which category your work falls into, and how to sustain it over time.
I understand also that it’s easy to make this claim in my early 40s when I still feel energized and confident I have something to offer professionally. But I’m putting this sentiment into words now because,
1) I may need this reminder in a few decades.
2) I don’t believe people ever stop having something to offer, even if it doesn’t involve paid work.
3) Why not fall in love with work the way we do the people in our lives?
For many years, I harbored a secret, scary belief that maybe I was the kind of person who simply couldn’t enjoy work. Every job I undertook from the ages of 16 to 26 felt “too hard" or “too boring.” I was the Goldilocks of the starting-out workforce and I couldn’t see the forest through the trees: We have to try on a few wrong jobs until we find one that’s right. It’s a process that requires sucking it up sometimes. But it doesn’t mean we have to hate every moment.
Our mindsets have a great deal of influence on how we perceive our work. My fixed idea that I “couldn’t” enjoy work prevented me from observing that I was learning a lot about my strengths, preferences, etc. If I had known then what I know now about neuroplasticity and growth mindset, I might’ve approached work with more curiosity and less dread. I may have even found joy in the challenge.
As I make my way through Jami Attenberg’s new book, 1000 WORDS, I am particularly struck by one sentiment that demonstrates how growth mindset connects to our work. Jami’s approach to embarking on a new project is, “I get to write a novel,” not, “I have to write a novel.”
It’s an important distinction, one we can adopt no matter the context of our individual work. During my final year in the classroom, I flirted with this idea. I was facing more challenges in my teaching than I had in years, but I knew I had only a limited amount of time in which to enjoy the children in front of me.
Many days started with a pep talk similar to Jami’s. I get to spend the day with these kiddos. I get to play with them at recess and teach them the magic of figurative language. Put that way, it was easier for me to observe the privileges and bounty of my work. Even if I couldn’t love it 100% of the time.
So, I leave you with a few thoughts as we venture into this day of love:
It is possible to love your work.
Moreover, it’s often a choice. And if you’re struggling to connect with that feeling, consider the following advice:
Reframe your inner dialogue about work. The language we use internally shapes our deepest belief systems. Replace “have to” with “get to.” Ask, “What am I looking forward to in my work today?” instead of, “What would I like to avoid?”
Mine your work for the lessons. Sometimes work is paid, sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it happens in the home, sometimes outside. Sometimes it is creative, sometimes it’s simply how we pay the bills. Whatever kind of work you do, it is always a teacher. What can it tell you about what you enjoy? What you’re good at? What makes you feel connected and satisfied? Perhaps your work is a lesson in patience?
Engage your brain. When work feels bad, it’s often because it doesn’t tap into the parts of our brain that energize and excite us. Once we identify what gets our juices flowing, it’s a lot easier to amplify those elements of our work. Maybe you love planning social gatherings for your staff. Maybe writing the work newsletter puts a swing in your step. Advocate for the tasks that energize you.
Happy Valentine’s Day, sweet worker bees. Go forth and enjoy the heck out of it.
Great post, Abby! Funny, I'm reading 1000 Words now, too. I especially loved what you wrote about reframing your mindset. As a freelancer, my biggest mental shift was from "churning up new business is a grind" to "there are so many new opportunities to go after" and it made a big difference in my approach.