Field Notes from a Midlife Crisis During the Fall of Democracy

A story chock-full of good lessons and plenty of mistakes I encourage you not to make yourself

From nervous breakdowns in Hawaii, to sleeping on the floor of the Frontier terminal, this year sure has packed a punch!

I’ve been telling myself a lot of stories recently. Well, really just different versions of the same story. The story of how, in an attempt to make a big, wanted change in my life, I’ve managed to end up terribly far from my intentions.

I hear myself narrating these different versions to everyone I meet, trying to find tidy explanations for a life chapter that has been anything but orderly. Trying to find an acceptable spin on a situation that is still currently undergoing autopsy.

Because the intention of this newsletter has always been to promote growth, I’m laying bare my vulnerabilities this week to support that mission. I would not be a respectable leader in this space without acknowledging my own roadblocks to growth. I would not be a trustworthy voice if I didn’t reveal the other side of the coin: Growth is not always linear. Often, it is painful. Generally, it is confusing before it ever becomes clear.

This week, I’m putting the rest of these words behind a paywall because this newsletter is intended for our innermost community. I wasn’t sure I was ready or willing to write about this unfinished chapter of life, and a large part of me (otherwise known as shame) would love nothing more than to put it to bed indefinitely.

But these recent growing pains have also been an answer to a wish.

I’ve long said I wanted nothing more in life than to become very, very wise. Wisdom, however, is often gained through the process of making mistakes. It’s a catch-22: you can’t have one without the other.

So, without further ado, a little life update for which I’ve been workshopping possible titles:

How Not to Make Decisions During the First 100 Days of Trump

A Cautionary Tale about Appreciating What You’ve Got

Asking for Courage, Not Advice

Quick, Terrible Ways to Lose Money

Diary of a Firstborn Indecisive People Pleaser

We *Almost* Became New Englanders

or, the eyebrow-raising,

Wellbutrin Made Me Sell My House

What’s wild is that each of these takes contains a version of the truth, yet none are complete. Except for the one I’m about to lay down here. The following words are for you, for me, for all of us trying to figure out which direction is up in these messy, disappointing times. And especially for those of us trying to find some self-compassion along the way.